Expectation

It is true we get what we expect. Our expectations affect our countenance and our posture and signal to others if they should take our request seriously or not. Divas walk in constant expectation of blessing, promotion and open doors. They keep their eyes fixed on an open heaven. Not out of a sense of entitlement but from a heart that believes God wants to bless them.  The Diva Principle for Everyday Living - Michelle McKinney Hammond

 

Expectation according to Webster is "a thing looked forward to or a prospect of future good."  We've all heard a multitude of sermons preached on it.  The Word instructs us to wait in expectation on God's movement, His blessing, His annointing, His answers and His coming. 

 

For as many times as I've heard the message, I'm not always certain it has sunk deep into my heart.  As a child, I remember the expectation of my sister's birth. My dad had me convinced that we were having an "Indian Baby" (as in Native American) because we lived close to a reservation and I loved how pretty the babies were - all dark eyes, dark hair, dark skin. My 4 1/2 year old heart was excited.  Halloween 1975 came along with a beautiful strawberry blonde, blue eyed and pale white baby.  This was not the creature I was in expectation of.  I was mad and declared "that's not MY baby."  Poor Marjorie, I'm sorry!  Once the tantrum was over, I realized she was perfect.  So sweet and cuddly and my own living doll.  I could not wait for all the things we would do together...grow up, get married, have babies and perfect lives.  Expectation.

 

Fast forward a few months and things took a different turn.  My perfect baby doll had a major stroke that could have taken her life.  Thus began a life far different from what my expectations were for her.  Marjorie was a medically fragile child and in children's hospitals many times.  We still played all the games little girls do and one would never know she had so many issues other than she seemed just a few steps behind her peers.  My expectation was that it would always be this way and we would grow up, get married and though the danger of pregnancy was too great to a fetus she could still adopt and we would have perfect lives.  Expectation.

 

Adolescence brings budding adulthood and chemical changes to our bodies.  Those changes took a less than pleasant turn for Marjorie's epilepsy. Puberty  can worsen epilepsy as was her case.  I was already mad at God by this time and had decided to not live in expectation of anything good from Him.  Wasn't it His choice to rob us of our dad when I was 16?  Oh, the attitude of a young hurting heart.  Marjorie's epilepsy turned much worse, enough so that it threatened her life.  In high school she endured, we endured, 5 brain surgeries.  Two to cut down the seizure activity in her brain and three to fight the infection that wormed its way into her skull.  Those surgeries robbed her of speech, the majority of control of her right side hand and leg and the ability to walk.  Speech and walking were brought back through rigorous therapy.  Her greatest loss - long term memories.  Expectation changed and disappointment reigned.  I was 19 when she had the first surgery and 24 when she finally graduated high school - she was 14 and 20.  By this time, all I expected from God was disappointment.

 

Time marched on as it always does.  At 28, I met the man who would become my husband at 31.  Marjorie was my maid of honor.  At 32, I gave birth to Ron's and my first son together.  Marjorie was at the birth just as she was for my first son, Kyle - waiting outside the room in expectation of a sweet nephew.  In January 2005, she cried her heart out with me when we lost our sweet baby girl at 17 weeks.  In April 2006, she became an auntie again with the birth of Jacob.  2008 saw us move away from her to Oklahoma - I cannot describe the pain she felt.  May of 2009, she was again present for Evan's birth.  If you ask her what one of her greatest joys is, she tell you it's being an aunt.  My step-siblings all have kids galore for her to love on.  She lavishes love on each niece and nephew - and in truth, spoils them rotten :)

 

My sister is amazing!  She's outlived all doctor expectations.  Her spirit soars, most days, in a body that fails her.  Her life has been ongoing proof that miracles still happen.  Yes, I came back home to Jesus in 1999, she never left Him.  It's been a journey for me to learn to not set the expectations for this life on earth - I have to leave circumstances to the path of my Creator.  This is not the expectation I set for my sister's life but if it had been different, would I have witnessed so many miracles?  Would my children have missed out on the blessing of seeing God work? 

 

Marjorie's faith never waivered through it all.  She doesn't understand why this is the path chosen for her and fully admits that there are days when it seems too much to bear but there is a light that shines from her life.  She's been touched by the hand of God and if one stops to look, one can see that there is just something a little bit different...a little bit greater in her.  God works good in ALL things.  I can expect that!  God's hand guides our path if we surrender.  I can expect that!  God promises me an eternity with my dear sister where her earthly troubles will pass away.  Yes, I live in expectation of that! 

 

Thank you Lord for the life of my sister.  Her life has taught me much about expectation.  Today, I will live in expectation that You will guide my life, and hers, in a way that only You can.  Thank you that I can expect eternity and blessing because You are the center of my heart.  Keep me focused today on Your ways.  Thank you for loving me and for Your daily mercies and grace.  I trip and fall often enough, yet You pick me up, dust me off and send me back on the path.  You are good!