As a dear friend wrote back on my Facebook page today - "nothing like a healthy dose of perspective". Yep, needed that one. I've had a rough day full of computer issues, fussy and pukey baby, disobedient boys, and crazy back spasms. Really, a normal day for anyone living life as a parent. Today, I whined. Yep, whined. On Facebook...and to my mom and my oldest son and my hubby. Pity party - table of one.
Funny thing is I had just read a chapter out Lysa Terkeurst's "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl" while picking up the kids. The chapter? How Jesus Helps Me Get My Groove Back. The topic? Thankfulness. Now while reading the chapter I was all about, "Preach it Girl. That's good stuff." Once I came home and the snowballing craziness hit me, I forgot all about keeping an attitude of thankfulness and went straight to an attitude of grumbliness (I realize that may not be an actual word but you get the point).
Once things quieted a bit, I checked up on Facebook and received my healthy dose of reality and perspective. I'm not proud of the face in mirror of my heart looking back at me this evening. While I was grumbling away in my home there is a precious daughter of Christ in critical condition. She has been facing a situation that breaks this mother's heart. This Sunday she lost the first of her twins and try as they might, the doctors could not save the other baby either. Both were just too early. This is a tragedy indeed but her story doesn't end there. She's had complications resulting in heart failure, kidney failure and it is unknown how much damage to her precious brain occured while she spent 17 minutes without oxygen. Her family waits at her side for a miracle that can only come from the great Healer.
I went to the page her friends created. The prayers and love coming to this family is staggering. She has truly made an impact in many lives - some of whom I go to church with. So many people are posting pictures of this beautiful woman but mostly they post prayers of love and strength. I find that I am humbled and brought to my knees not only asking for healing to take place but for much forgiveness of my selfishness. It's not about me and it's not about the silly things that would seek to derail me...it's about thanking God for every challenge because He will ALWAYS find a way to make good of all things.
Please join me in praying for Leslie. You can get updates on her condition on her Facebook page titled Loving Leslie. Thank you Lord that even amidst this dark valley - You still shine light and You still give us hope.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Oh Emily Post
Today while out in the garage, I came across my mother-in-law's copy of Etiquette by Emily Post - published 1955 (originally published 1922). Any of you who were blessed enough to have met my M-I-L Betty knows that she put manners and etiquette very high on her priority list. She wasn't always the most tactful with family but in "polite society" there is no one person I can think of who ever had better manners or ease of grace at entertaining.
I opened the book and came across this passage, "Decency means not merely propriety of speech and conduct, but honesty and trustworthiness in every obligation. Integrity includes not only honesty but a delicacy of motive and fairness in appraising the motives of others. Self-respect, among many other things, means refusal to accept obligations that one is unwilling to return. This word unwilling is of importance, since there is no more contemptible person than one who takes all he can get and gives as little as he can. Loyalty means faithfulness not only to friends, but to principles."
WOW - I now know why this woman has always been so highly regarded for her opinion on manners and proper values. I don't know a lot about Emily Post but just by reading that bit, I think she must have known God very well. As Christians aren't we told to guard our tongues, be honest and speak the truth in all matters. Are we not held to regard the values of Christ as the model for our behavior and to be considerate of all people - even when they aren't "just like us?" We are to have self-respect and not make vows we cannot or will not keep. We are to give as much as we can and graciously take what is freely given (ugh, do I struggle with that one - can I get an AMEN?) We are to be faithful - to each other, to God, to our beliefs. Way to go Emily - you preach it Sister! (I sense a groan for my use of "slang" on that one from our dearly departed Emily)
What an amazing book! Now, I have no use for much of the specific customs of how to run your household complete with maid, butler, valet, etc... but there is still excellent principle within how to treat those who "society" would not consider an equal. What wonderful advice on letter writing and making a home inviting. Some of these "old-fashioned" ideas are still so applicable today - and have been copied and sold off as "new". For example, the love bank. Sound familiar to those who have done marriage studies? It's our dear friend, Emily, who writes "If something is seriously wrong, if she (speaking of the wife) is really ill, that is different. But of the petty things that are only remembered in order to be told to gain sympathy - beware! There is a big deposit of sympathy in the bank of love, but don't draw out little sums every hour or so - so that by and by, when perhaps you need it badly, it all drawn out and you yourself don't know how or on what it was spent." Dr. Lehman...did you read Emily Post before you started your books? Did you Dr. Dobson? LOL! I think I'm going to keep this book handy in the house for future reference. It's good to be reminded that what was true in the days of the bible still rang true in 1922 and still ring true today!
I opened the book and came across this passage, "Decency means not merely propriety of speech and conduct, but honesty and trustworthiness in every obligation. Integrity includes not only honesty but a delicacy of motive and fairness in appraising the motives of others. Self-respect, among many other things, means refusal to accept obligations that one is unwilling to return. This word unwilling is of importance, since there is no more contemptible person than one who takes all he can get and gives as little as he can. Loyalty means faithfulness not only to friends, but to principles."
WOW - I now know why this woman has always been so highly regarded for her opinion on manners and proper values. I don't know a lot about Emily Post but just by reading that bit, I think she must have known God very well. As Christians aren't we told to guard our tongues, be honest and speak the truth in all matters. Are we not held to regard the values of Christ as the model for our behavior and to be considerate of all people - even when they aren't "just like us?" We are to have self-respect and not make vows we cannot or will not keep. We are to give as much as we can and graciously take what is freely given (ugh, do I struggle with that one - can I get an AMEN?) We are to be faithful - to each other, to God, to our beliefs. Way to go Emily - you preach it Sister! (I sense a groan for my use of "slang" on that one from our dearly departed Emily)
What an amazing book! Now, I have no use for much of the specific customs of how to run your household complete with maid, butler, valet, etc... but there is still excellent principle within how to treat those who "society" would not consider an equal. What wonderful advice on letter writing and making a home inviting. Some of these "old-fashioned" ideas are still so applicable today - and have been copied and sold off as "new". For example, the love bank. Sound familiar to those who have done marriage studies? It's our dear friend, Emily, who writes "If something is seriously wrong, if she (speaking of the wife) is really ill, that is different. But of the petty things that are only remembered in order to be told to gain sympathy - beware! There is a big deposit of sympathy in the bank of love, but don't draw out little sums every hour or so - so that by and by, when perhaps you need it badly, it all drawn out and you yourself don't know how or on what it was spent." Dr. Lehman...did you read Emily Post before you started your books? Did you Dr. Dobson? LOL! I think I'm going to keep this book handy in the house for future reference. It's good to be reminded that what was true in the days of the bible still rang true in 1922 and still ring true today!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Refined
Refined according to Dictionary.com
- having or showing well-bred taste
- free from coarseness or vulgarity
- freed from impurities
- very subtle, precise or exact
Hmmm, interesting. Have you ever seen something be refined? When I was young, my dad would take me with him to the shooting range and we would pick up all manner of "slugs" from around the targets (common practice to go to the shooting range when your daddy is a policeman). We would take them home and he would make his own bullets for target practice with them. How cool...my dad was "green" before the term was ever coined. My job was to search carefully under and around the targets in the dirt for little bits of banged up metal.
Dad had a special melting pot that went to extreme high temperatures to melt the discarded metal bits. He would slowly add bits of metal until the pot had enough in it then he used a special scoop to take the "slag" off the top. This is a time consuming process and take precision since you don't want to take away all the purified metal but just the spoils. He would watch and wait until the molten liquid took on the right "color" then he would pour some into small molds for the bullets and the rest he would pour into bars reserved for later use. I would wait and wait and wait for them to be cooled so I could play with them and to be able to help make the bullets. Daddy was always good about making sure that I knew how important my role of helper was to him and would often praise me for how quickly I would find the metal bits at the range and how well I loaded the shells in the tubes. Strangely enough, it takes adulthood for me to remember how much that meant to me.
As for the left over lead bars...did you know they are bright silver? I loved to play with them. The color was fabulous and I would pretend it was real silver. They were the "treasure" we used for pirate, cowboy, cops & robber games. Refined bits of spent metal that was heated at just the right temperature to clear the impurities and let their true color shine through.
How lucky I have been to see this process play out in real life so that I might remember that I too am just a bit of spent metal all dirty and banged up, picked up with loving hands from the ground to be carefully heated, carefully cleaned of my spoils and carefully made into a treasure. It's an awesome God that cares so much for me. I get myself dirty often enough but still He takes the heat that could damage me and uses it instead to carefully work out His design by removing my selfishness, my pride, my control, my self-pity, my anger, my resentment, my jealousy and any other sins I am guilty of. I am excited to see what my true color and design will be as I strive to stay in the melting pot and let the Master do His work to make me into His treasure.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Breathe
This morning I finished a few minor things around the house waiting for Evan to take his morning nap so I could have my quiet time. I could not find my study bible anywhere...irritating but not monumental since God led me to a better place. He led me to the scrapbook that I made several years ago for a women's retreat. In it I saw Psalm 23:3 "He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name."(NLT). Pretty classic stuff. I felt an urging though to go look it up in a different version - The Message to be specific and I read "True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction."
Catch my breath. Hmm, yep, sounds about right. I've been running a million miles an hour for a long time now. Good things, not empty, selfish things. Kingdom things. I've served on ministries, worked with youth, led studies, spoken truth and love - even firm correction - into the lives family and friends. I've suffered through losses of those I love. I've moved across the country in obedience. These are good things but they are all "doing, doing, doing".
Oh, I know...I don't earn my salvation by the doing - that wasn't the motivation. I truly love to serve. I'm at my best when I can open my home and my heart to someone - love on them, meet their needs. It's the nurturing spirit I have. God made me this way BUT he also created in me the need to BE. To be quiet. To be still. To wait on Him. To sit at His feet. To lay down my burdens. To ask for forgiveness. To be humble. To make Him my priority. To meditate on the word. To apply it to my life. To be ready and available for His profound word spoken to my heart by the Holy Spirit. To be filled so I can slosh all over someone when His timing is right.
Forgive me Abba, I've been so busy doing the Kingdom work - I forgot to BE the Kingdom work. It's the changes in my heart, it's the growing to be more and more in Christ's image and less and less in my own image that will matter.
It's time to slow down and breathe. How can I know where my path will go next if I don't look up to the guide of my life, take His hand and let him pull me from the soft meadow where he's set me down to rest? If I'm so tired that my shoulders are slumped and I'm looking down then it's too easy to trip. Thank you, patient Father, Your ways are so much more wise. This servant is now learning to be quiet. I will sit in the meadow with my head in your lap as you impart your wisdom. We'll go when YOU are ready. Tell me your stories, share with me the plans you have for my life. We'll go when YOU are ready. Let me sleep in your arms, nestled secure and safe. We'll go when YOU are ready.
Catch my breath. Hmm, yep, sounds about right. I've been running a million miles an hour for a long time now. Good things, not empty, selfish things. Kingdom things. I've served on ministries, worked with youth, led studies, spoken truth and love - even firm correction - into the lives family and friends. I've suffered through losses of those I love. I've moved across the country in obedience. These are good things but they are all "doing, doing, doing".
Oh, I know...I don't earn my salvation by the doing - that wasn't the motivation. I truly love to serve. I'm at my best when I can open my home and my heart to someone - love on them, meet their needs. It's the nurturing spirit I have. God made me this way BUT he also created in me the need to BE. To be quiet. To be still. To wait on Him. To sit at His feet. To lay down my burdens. To ask for forgiveness. To be humble. To make Him my priority. To meditate on the word. To apply it to my life. To be ready and available for His profound word spoken to my heart by the Holy Spirit. To be filled so I can slosh all over someone when His timing is right.
Forgive me Abba, I've been so busy doing the Kingdom work - I forgot to BE the Kingdom work. It's the changes in my heart, it's the growing to be more and more in Christ's image and less and less in my own image that will matter.
It's time to slow down and breathe. How can I know where my path will go next if I don't look up to the guide of my life, take His hand and let him pull me from the soft meadow where he's set me down to rest? If I'm so tired that my shoulders are slumped and I'm looking down then it's too easy to trip. Thank you, patient Father, Your ways are so much more wise. This servant is now learning to be quiet. I will sit in the meadow with my head in your lap as you impart your wisdom. We'll go when YOU are ready. Tell me your stories, share with me the plans you have for my life. We'll go when YOU are ready. Let me sleep in your arms, nestled secure and safe. We'll go when YOU are ready.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Captivating
I started a new book today. One of the community groups (small groups) at our church has begun a new series on the book "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul" by John and Stasi Eldredge. I read John's book "Wild at Heart" at the recommendation of my friend Sarah. It's a must read for any and all mothers of boys. (Sarah, girl, I think I still have the book packed up in my stuff since I can't remember giving it back to you...I'll have to check and send it up) It was refreshing to find that I am exactly the right mom for boys - I do let them play warriors, shoot the bad guys and do all things "boyish". I have stood in as their "princess" to be rescued on more than one occasion.
Stasi's book is along the same lines as her husband's but it discusses how we are made to be beautiful. We aren't to fall into the trap that has been set for us as defined by society and unfortunately, by our churches. Here is an excerpt that really touched me today given my current situation: "We know the expectations that have been laid upon us by our families, our churches and our cultures. There are reams of materials on what you ought to do to be a good woman. But that is not the same as knowing what the journey toward becoming a woman involves, or even what the goal should be. The church has not been a big help here. No, that's not quite honest enought. The church has been part of the problem. Its message to women has been primarily "you are here to serve. That's why God created you: to serve. In the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community." Seriously now - picture the models of feminity in the church. They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed, they are busy, they are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired.
Skip ahead and we find: "God created you as a woman. That's how and where you bear his immage. Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities - as a reflection of God's own heart. You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being. And so the journey to discover what God meant when he created woman in his image - when he create you as his woman - that journey begins with your heart. Look at all the games that little girls play, and if you can, remember what you dreamed of as a little girl. Look at the movies women love. Listen to your own heart and the hearts of the women you know. What is it that a woman wants? What does she dream of? Think again of women like Tamar, Ruth, Tahab - not very "churchy" women, but women held up for esteem in the Bible. We think you'll find that evey woman in her heart of hearts longs for 3 things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive."
Now, that just really spoke to my soul today. I've recently resigned my position on the committees I'm on to rest. It's time for my soul to rest and to let others lead the way for a while. It's time I focused on what I am uniquely created to do - to rediscover the God-directed purpose in my life. No, I'm not in the middle of a "life-crisis". That might be a first thought since age 4-0 is less than 6 months away...I'm actually excited about that. My 30's were so much better than my 20's. My 20's were so much better than my teens. I'm thinking...Ok, let's be 40 then and get on with the new adventure. I have a good grasp on my role as mother, my role as wife, as daughter, as sister, as friend - somewhere though I have a feeling I've lost my role as me. I know deep down I am more than the sum of these roles. Don't mistake me, we're not talking a childish, selfish ME, ME, ME ... it's all about ME kind of a thing here. I have a unique role as myself too and I've lost it. I need to discover a deeper sense of who I AM in Christ. I am certain this book is the start of a journey that is going to take me into a deeper understanding of the heart of a woman - my heart as a woman and into a deeper relationship with my Abba Father and what HE has created my heart to be.
Stasi's book is along the same lines as her husband's but it discusses how we are made to be beautiful. We aren't to fall into the trap that has been set for us as defined by society and unfortunately, by our churches. Here is an excerpt that really touched me today given my current situation: "We know the expectations that have been laid upon us by our families, our churches and our cultures. There are reams of materials on what you ought to do to be a good woman. But that is not the same as knowing what the journey toward becoming a woman involves, or even what the goal should be. The church has not been a big help here. No, that's not quite honest enought. The church has been part of the problem. Its message to women has been primarily "you are here to serve. That's why God created you: to serve. In the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community." Seriously now - picture the models of feminity in the church. They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed, they are busy, they are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired.
Skip ahead and we find: "God created you as a woman. That's how and where you bear his immage. Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities - as a reflection of God's own heart. You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being. And so the journey to discover what God meant when he created woman in his image - when he create you as his woman - that journey begins with your heart. Look at all the games that little girls play, and if you can, remember what you dreamed of as a little girl. Look at the movies women love. Listen to your own heart and the hearts of the women you know. What is it that a woman wants? What does she dream of? Think again of women like Tamar, Ruth, Tahab - not very "churchy" women, but women held up for esteem in the Bible. We think you'll find that evey woman in her heart of hearts longs for 3 things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive."
Now, that just really spoke to my soul today. I've recently resigned my position on the committees I'm on to rest. It's time for my soul to rest and to let others lead the way for a while. It's time I focused on what I am uniquely created to do - to rediscover the God-directed purpose in my life. No, I'm not in the middle of a "life-crisis". That might be a first thought since age 4-0 is less than 6 months away...I'm actually excited about that. My 30's were so much better than my 20's. My 20's were so much better than my teens. I'm thinking...Ok, let's be 40 then and get on with the new adventure. I have a good grasp on my role as mother, my role as wife, as daughter, as sister, as friend - somewhere though I have a feeling I've lost my role as me. I know deep down I am more than the sum of these roles. Don't mistake me, we're not talking a childish, selfish ME, ME, ME ... it's all about ME kind of a thing here. I have a unique role as myself too and I've lost it. I need to discover a deeper sense of who I AM in Christ. I am certain this book is the start of a journey that is going to take me into a deeper understanding of the heart of a woman - my heart as a woman and into a deeper relationship with my Abba Father and what HE has created my heart to be.
Frustration
Seriously, I'm going to take a second to vent and whine then I'll put on my "Big Girl" pants and suck it up! I'm so tired. Ridiculously, bone-weary tired. I'm not on the verge of mental collapse that I know of...for once, I'm not feeling stressed or having great anxiety. Things are going well but WHAM, I get hit with fatigue. I'm not one to sit on the couch and do nothing. I've always been a very physical, get things done kinda gal so to be hit with fatigue is a new and unpleasant experience. What to do? Get thee to a doctor missy and quit whining. I'll keep everyone posted but would appreciate prayers for strength this week. Ron is gone until Thursday and Jake has not had a fabulous time at school with Daddy being gone.
Peace Out!
Peace Out!
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