Captivating

I started a new book today. One of the community groups (small groups) at our church has begun a new series on the book "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul" by John and Stasi Eldredge. I read John's book "Wild at Heart" at the recommendation of my friend Sarah. It's a must read for any and all mothers of boys. (Sarah, girl, I think I still have the book packed up in my stuff since I can't remember giving it back to you...I'll have to check and send it up) It was refreshing to find that I am exactly the right mom for boys - I do let them play warriors, shoot the bad guys and do all things "boyish". I have stood in as their "princess" to be rescued on more than one occasion.

Stasi's book is along the same lines as her husband's but it discusses how we are made to be beautiful. We aren't to fall into the trap that has been set for us as defined by society and unfortunately, by our churches. Here is an excerpt that really touched me today given my current situation: "We know the expectations that have been laid upon us by our families, our churches and our cultures. There are reams of materials on what you ought to do to be a good woman. But that is not the same as knowing what the journey toward becoming a woman involves, or even what the goal should be. The church has not been a big help here. No, that's not quite honest enought. The church has been part of the problem. Its message to women has been primarily "you are here to serve. That's why God created you: to serve. In the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community." Seriously now - picture the models of feminity in the church. They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed, they are busy, they are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired.

Skip ahead and we find: "God created you as a woman. That's how and where you bear his immage. Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities - as a reflection of God's own heart. You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being. And so the journey to discover what God meant when he created woman in his image - when he create you as his woman - that journey begins with your heart. Look at all the games that little girls play, and if you can, remember what you dreamed of as a little girl. Look at the movies women love. Listen to your own heart and the hearts of the women you know. What is it that a woman wants? What does she dream of? Think again of women like Tamar, Ruth, Tahab - not very "churchy" women, but women held up for esteem in the Bible. We think you'll find that evey woman in her heart of hearts longs for 3 things: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. That's what makes a woman come alive."


Now, that just really spoke to my soul today. I've recently resigned my position on the committees I'm on to rest. It's time for my soul to rest and to let others lead the way for a while. It's time I focused on what I am uniquely created to do - to rediscover the God-directed purpose in my life. No, I'm not in the middle of a "life-crisis". That might be a first thought since age 4-0 is less than 6 months away...I'm actually excited about that. My 30's were so much better than my 20's. My 20's were so much better than my teens. I'm thinking...Ok, let's be 40 then and get on with the new adventure. I have a good grasp on my role as mother, my role as wife, as daughter, as sister, as friend - somewhere though I have a feeling I've lost my role as me. I know deep down I am more than the sum of these roles. Don't mistake me, we're not talking a childish, selfish ME, ME, ME ... it's all about ME kind of a thing here. I have a unique role as myself too and I've lost it. I need to discover a deeper sense of who I AM in Christ. I am certain this book is the start of a journey that is going to take me into a deeper understanding of the heart of a woman - my heart as a woman and into a deeper relationship with my Abba Father and what HE has created my heart to be.