Lately I have found myself at my wits end devising appropriate punishment for Cam (7) and Jake (4.5) that doesn't completely eliminate any fun for them (lack of any fun activity = excessive whininess and misery for the momma). I think perhaps I have found the solution. We've been working hard on first time obedience. They are fully informed that they can either choose to obey first time or choose to have a consequence at the time of the request. The solution...reduction in bedtime in increments of 15 minutes. No yelling, no begging with my child to behave. Instead a firm announcement that bedtime is now 7:45 for the offending child. Next offense...7:30.
Monday, Camdyn had a bedtime of 7:15 and Jacob soon followed at 7:45. Last night Mommy was not home to enforce the rule even though it had been passed to the adult in charge. Boys were misbehaving something fierce so today on the way from home two young men were informed of the bedtime of 7:30 that should have been enforced for Camdyn yesterday and a new bedtime of 7:30 for Jacob based on the severity of his disrespect for his Gramma shown yesterday. A phone call to apologize will also be completed. Much to my surprise...both boys are following instructions very well. I'm sure the testing will come but it sure is nice to not have all the nastiness and chaos of before.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Dressing a Woman's Heart - Love
Col 3:12-14 (The Message) "So, chosen by God for this life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second-place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it."
LOVE:
Holy and Beloved per the King James Version. In the Greek – hagios and agapao. Hagios refers to being blameless or sacred – most holy. Agapao refers to love as a friend or lover. We are commanded to live a life of love - a life that is holy and blameless and as a witness to those who come into our life. Beloved “agapao” love appears in 1 Thessalonians 1:4 and 2 Thessalonians 2:13 referencing “brethren beloved”. I like the word picture this brings to my mind…beloved and holy – accepted as sister and held blameless like Christ. Too often I forget that my shortcomings have been covered by grace. I don’t deserve that and because the world teaches that nothing comes to a person free of strings I know that I run myself ragged trying to prove that I am worth receiving grace. I’m not. I try to do and say the right things so that I will be thought well of and loved. I already am. Before I open my mouth, before I start to move or give of my time, God loves me and considers me his daughter and sister to Christ. I didn’t earn that love. It was just freely given because I had the audacity to open my heart. It’s when the world shouts messages at me so loudly that I forget whose I am. I forget that I was chosen to the degree that He “knit me in my mother’s womb.” God sees every tear I cry, watches me make mistakes then seeks me out still and guides me back to the path He set out for me. Chosen and loved. Holy and Beloved.
A long overdue reality check
My thoughts this week have dwelled a bit on the fact that I am the exact age that my daddy was when he died. For years I have punished myself and regretted that the last words out of my mouth were sarcastic and mean. The phrase, "I wish you'd just drop dead," left my lips as my nearly 16 year old self went slamming out of the house. Another silly teenage/parent argument but one that would impact my life forever.
Today I was sitting here thinking what were his last thoughts? My daddy died from a heart attack at our home. Was he awake? Did he realize that his life was leaving him? What if in those last minutes he cried out, "Wait, I need more time! I need to tell my daughter I'm sorry and that I love her. I need to give my family one more hug. I have so much more to do." What convicting thoughts for me on this day as Jacob, my 4 1/2 year old, had a rough morning and went off crying to the car to have Daddy take him to school. No kisses goodbye. He was as frustrated with me as I was with him. What if that was his last moment with me? What if the legacy I left was that his mommy was mad at him?
My husband. These 4 sons. They are my whole world and I am squandering it. I'm letting the frustrations of parenthood derail my most important task - to love. Instead of acknowledging that they are having a grumpy morning, giving a hug and some encouragement I am yelling to hurry up, get dressed, quit fighting, get in the car before you are late and the cycle continues.
I don't want my last moments of this life to be filled with pleas of more time. I want to be ready to go. I want to know that I left it all out on the battlefield of life - nothing unspent or unsaid. I want my children to know clear into their DNA that their mommy loves them completely and fully, that I am proud of them, that though they frustrate me to the point of gray hairs I would never change one hair on each of their heads for another. I want my husband to know that he is my champion, my hero, my soft place to fall. I've been walking around blinded by my past and making the same mistakes...no more. This is the end of it.
Lord, I am humbled by your new mercies given each day to one who never deserves it. You are the God of second (third, fourth...) chances. Forgive my impatience, my anger, my fears. Forgive that I'm not treasuring those you've entrusted me with. Give me eyes like yours to see only their perfected souls. Give me unending resolve to look to you instead of parenting books, fads or theories. Give me the strength to love as you created me to love. Help me to trust in the knowledge that you didn't call creation "good" until you created woman. Develop in me the woman's heart that you designed. Purge me of the worldly heart that I've let grow.
Today I was sitting here thinking what were his last thoughts? My daddy died from a heart attack at our home. Was he awake? Did he realize that his life was leaving him? What if in those last minutes he cried out, "Wait, I need more time! I need to tell my daughter I'm sorry and that I love her. I need to give my family one more hug. I have so much more to do." What convicting thoughts for me on this day as Jacob, my 4 1/2 year old, had a rough morning and went off crying to the car to have Daddy take him to school. No kisses goodbye. He was as frustrated with me as I was with him. What if that was his last moment with me? What if the legacy I left was that his mommy was mad at him?
My husband. These 4 sons. They are my whole world and I am squandering it. I'm letting the frustrations of parenthood derail my most important task - to love. Instead of acknowledging that they are having a grumpy morning, giving a hug and some encouragement I am yelling to hurry up, get dressed, quit fighting, get in the car before you are late and the cycle continues.
I don't want my last moments of this life to be filled with pleas of more time. I want to be ready to go. I want to know that I left it all out on the battlefield of life - nothing unspent or unsaid. I want my children to know clear into their DNA that their mommy loves them completely and fully, that I am proud of them, that though they frustrate me to the point of gray hairs I would never change one hair on each of their heads for another. I want my husband to know that he is my champion, my hero, my soft place to fall. I've been walking around blinded by my past and making the same mistakes...no more. This is the end of it.
Lord, I am humbled by your new mercies given each day to one who never deserves it. You are the God of second (third, fourth...) chances. Forgive my impatience, my anger, my fears. Forgive that I'm not treasuring those you've entrusted me with. Give me eyes like yours to see only their perfected souls. Give me unending resolve to look to you instead of parenting books, fads or theories. Give me the strength to love as you created me to love. Help me to trust in the knowledge that you didn't call creation "good" until you created woman. Develop in me the woman's heart that you designed. Purge me of the worldly heart that I've let grow.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Dressing a Woman’s Heart - Chosen
Col 3:12-14 (The Message) "So, chosen by God for this life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second-place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it."
Chosen:
Webster’s Dictionary defines Chosen as an adjective meaning selected or picked out, especially for some special quality. The Greek word is “eklektos” meaning select - implying favorite. The word appears again in Luke 18:7-8 (The Message) “So what makes you think God won’t step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won’t he stick up for them? I assure you he will. He will not drag his feet.”
We’ve been handpicked by God for a life of love. We can love without restraint because the same God who has chosen us will come to our aid if we just cry out to him. Not only has he chosen – selected as favorites – he has picked out a special way for us to conduct ourselves. A wardrobe. We can move forth in love because we have been clothed in love – His love. This is not “agape” love but “agapao” love which means that of being doted upon as a lover would. In the Hebrew it is "agab" - to breathe after. That is refreshing to me this day as I acknowledge I am chosen and cherished! As a woman, I am wired with a need to know how cherished, chosen and beloved I am – especially by the one who can cast the stars from His fingertips and call each by name.
Chosen:
Webster’s Dictionary defines Chosen as an adjective meaning selected or picked out, especially for some special quality. The Greek word is “eklektos” meaning select - implying favorite. The word appears again in Luke 18:7-8 (The Message) “So what makes you think God won’t step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won’t he stick up for them? I assure you he will. He will not drag his feet.”
We’ve been handpicked by God for a life of love. We can love without restraint because the same God who has chosen us will come to our aid if we just cry out to him. Not only has he chosen – selected as favorites – he has picked out a special way for us to conduct ourselves. A wardrobe. We can move forth in love because we have been clothed in love – His love. This is not “agape” love but “agapao” love which means that of being doted upon as a lover would. In the Hebrew it is "agab" - to breathe after. That is refreshing to me this day as I acknowledge I am chosen and cherished! As a woman, I am wired with a need to know how cherished, chosen and beloved I am – especially by the one who can cast the stars from His fingertips and call each by name.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I'm sorry, but...
Why do people think that an apology is sincere when they couch it in "I'm sorry, but..." Really? If you are sincere in your apology then you should simply say "I'm sorry for..." and ask for forgiveness. Why can't they just say it and stop? Why say sorry at all if you're just going to then explain to me why I am wrong for getting offended and add more insults in there? Excuses, excuses.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Amazed
God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me. His timing is perfect and His messages for me placed for me with such precision and care. I've not been a good daughter of the King this weekend. I've been grumpy and frustrated. I've let self-doubt and self-pity enter my heart yet all day today I have been blessed by messages from my Abba Daddy that have set me free. This is gonna be a long one but bear with me...it's got a happy ending. Let's back up though to Friday for an accurate picture...
Friday was my nephew's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. For the record, I do not love this place...too noisy, too crazy and way to much overstimulation for my brain! Hubby was set to go camping with the fellas from church. Rush to the store to get a present. Rush to the party...oops, forgot the chair I was asked by Hubby to bring. Not much sympathy for the fact that I single-handedly wrangled the 3 very excited young ones into the car, in and out of a store and into the party. Nope, instead disappointment because I forgot the chair. ARGH! Several hours later, 3 tired and grumpy little boys packed back into the car to whine all the way home and bedtime. None of this tragic but definitely painful to my allergy congested head.
Saturday brought a larger allergy induced headache compounded by a particularly upsetting convo with my oldest. "Look at what I got for $45," says the boy. I turn and find "snake bite" piercings marring my child's lower lip. "Are you kidding me," was the start, followed by, "Get out of my site for a bit 'cause I'm so mad I'm gonna blow." A personal conversation mumbled over slamming pots and pans ensued for the next 5 minutes. Soon, a somewhat calmer, less shell-shocked Mom was able to have a quieter and more rational conversation with Mr. Kyle. I admitted great fear to him...fear that he is losing his true self in his decisions to try to find some identity other than what God is intending. I admitted fear that he's pulling away from his faith and beliefs. I admitted fear of what his influence on the younger 3 looks like in the future if these are going to be his actions. Cam and Jake simply stared at him in horror. Cam left the room but ever vocal Jake pronounced the piercings to be "ugly" and "stupid looking." Out of the mouths of babes! All day I fretted and prayed, prayed and fretted over where this child is going. I should point out that it isn't the actual piercings I don't approve of. I do not have an issue with piercings or tattoos - it's an individual choice. I haven't really considered or looked at the biblical perspective on it. I object to Kyle having them simply because they are not "true" to who he is and has been. My niece is heavily tattooed and pierced but she has always been interested in them - lip piercing at 13 and eyebrow piercing at 14. That's true to who she is.
Saturday night brought me to my knees weeping. I appreciate when God brings me to full surrender like this but in the moment Saturday night I simply was a soul in pain and feeling very alone. I could not reach Ron at all on Saturday and was feeling very vulnerable. The boys acted up a bit in the evening which taxed the remaining strength I had and sometime around midnight I burst into tears. It wasn't the slow quiet tears that run down your cheeks. This was the deep gutteral cries that burn their way out. I finally fell asleep close to 4 am.
Sunday brought illness. Yep, I was sick. Sick in body and sick in heart. Ron came home, dealt more rationally with Kyle and took all the boys to church. I crawled back in bed and remained there all day. Kyle removed the piercings after talking with his dad and getting advice from some who are close to him. I am thankful for the God-influenced friends and mentors placed in his life.
Today I woke up physically better but still with a restless spirit. Questions of why running through my brain. Why am I such a bad mother? Why won't Kyle talk to me? Why did my husband do a better job reaching him? Why am I angry about Ron camping and my being alone? Where were you, God, in all this? Why didn't You protect him? Why didn't You stop him? Can you just hear the enemy in all that? He attacked me where I was vulnerable - as a mother and as a wife.
But, I serve a mighty God and HE loves ME. It wasn't long before he sent me a word through my Diva Principle calendar - "In spite of loss or disappointment, divas know their true worth and do not shrink from seeking it. They do not second-guess God or themselves because they know God's proven track record of goodness. They have a determination to survive and excel against all odds." Convicted and corrected.
Soon, as I was reading Andy Stanley's The Grace of God, I was shown, "Every parent with multiple children eventually comes to understand this. To let an older child get away with creating chaos in the home is an invitation to the younger siblings to follow suit. To allow an older sibling to get away with creating chaos in the home is to refuse to protect the other kids in the home. So God chose not to destroy (speaking of Adam and Eve's apple eating) but to discipline." Affirmation that I'm on the right track - Wow! Two messages from God within an hour. What a balm to my aching heart.
The late morning brought a devotional piece from Lysa Terkuerst. http://lysaterkeurst.com/2010/10/the-mother-load/ How did this woman know what was going on in my house? - she wrote all about it! The afternoon brought a message sent from a gal who used to go to our church. She ran into Kyle a few weeks ago at work and told him what an awesome mom he has but didn't tell him who she was. She just suddenly felt the urge to share that with me today. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! God, You are amazing! I cannot begin to tell you how uplifted I feel. I realize it isn't about that "mountain top" feeling but the knowledge that God would send that many messages to me to encourage me is so good. It humbles me and makes me thankful that I stopped and the Holy Spirit showed me that the words were specifically sent to restore me. That's love. That's grace. Undeserved but still given.
Lord, there aren't words to speak that convey my gratitude this day. When I felt so down, You picked me up. You sent me sisters to encourage me. You sent me messages that I might have missed if I continued to let the enemy mess with my heart. Thank you for eyes that recognize the blessings found in the simple things in life. Thank you for the softening of this heart and for the protection You provide. I will rest in the shelter of Your wings!
Friday was my nephew's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. For the record, I do not love this place...too noisy, too crazy and way to much overstimulation for my brain! Hubby was set to go camping with the fellas from church. Rush to the store to get a present. Rush to the party...oops, forgot the chair I was asked by Hubby to bring. Not much sympathy for the fact that I single-handedly wrangled the 3 very excited young ones into the car, in and out of a store and into the party. Nope, instead disappointment because I forgot the chair. ARGH! Several hours later, 3 tired and grumpy little boys packed back into the car to whine all the way home and bedtime. None of this tragic but definitely painful to my allergy congested head.
Saturday brought a larger allergy induced headache compounded by a particularly upsetting convo with my oldest. "Look at what I got for $45," says the boy. I turn and find "snake bite" piercings marring my child's lower lip. "Are you kidding me," was the start, followed by, "Get out of my site for a bit 'cause I'm so mad I'm gonna blow." A personal conversation mumbled over slamming pots and pans ensued for the next 5 minutes. Soon, a somewhat calmer, less shell-shocked Mom was able to have a quieter and more rational conversation with Mr. Kyle. I admitted great fear to him...fear that he is losing his true self in his decisions to try to find some identity other than what God is intending. I admitted fear that he's pulling away from his faith and beliefs. I admitted fear of what his influence on the younger 3 looks like in the future if these are going to be his actions. Cam and Jake simply stared at him in horror. Cam left the room but ever vocal Jake pronounced the piercings to be "ugly" and "stupid looking." Out of the mouths of babes! All day I fretted and prayed, prayed and fretted over where this child is going. I should point out that it isn't the actual piercings I don't approve of. I do not have an issue with piercings or tattoos - it's an individual choice. I haven't really considered or looked at the biblical perspective on it. I object to Kyle having them simply because they are not "true" to who he is and has been. My niece is heavily tattooed and pierced but she has always been interested in them - lip piercing at 13 and eyebrow piercing at 14. That's true to who she is.
Saturday night brought me to my knees weeping. I appreciate when God brings me to full surrender like this but in the moment Saturday night I simply was a soul in pain and feeling very alone. I could not reach Ron at all on Saturday and was feeling very vulnerable. The boys acted up a bit in the evening which taxed the remaining strength I had and sometime around midnight I burst into tears. It wasn't the slow quiet tears that run down your cheeks. This was the deep gutteral cries that burn their way out. I finally fell asleep close to 4 am.
Sunday brought illness. Yep, I was sick. Sick in body and sick in heart. Ron came home, dealt more rationally with Kyle and took all the boys to church. I crawled back in bed and remained there all day. Kyle removed the piercings after talking with his dad and getting advice from some who are close to him. I am thankful for the God-influenced friends and mentors placed in his life.
Today I woke up physically better but still with a restless spirit. Questions of why running through my brain. Why am I such a bad mother? Why won't Kyle talk to me? Why did my husband do a better job reaching him? Why am I angry about Ron camping and my being alone? Where were you, God, in all this? Why didn't You protect him? Why didn't You stop him? Can you just hear the enemy in all that? He attacked me where I was vulnerable - as a mother and as a wife.
But, I serve a mighty God and HE loves ME. It wasn't long before he sent me a word through my Diva Principle calendar - "In spite of loss or disappointment, divas know their true worth and do not shrink from seeking it. They do not second-guess God or themselves because they know God's proven track record of goodness. They have a determination to survive and excel against all odds." Convicted and corrected.
Soon, as I was reading Andy Stanley's The Grace of God, I was shown, "Every parent with multiple children eventually comes to understand this. To let an older child get away with creating chaos in the home is an invitation to the younger siblings to follow suit. To allow an older sibling to get away with creating chaos in the home is to refuse to protect the other kids in the home. So God chose not to destroy (speaking of Adam and Eve's apple eating) but to discipline." Affirmation that I'm on the right track - Wow! Two messages from God within an hour. What a balm to my aching heart.
The late morning brought a devotional piece from Lysa Terkuerst. http://lysaterkeurst.com/2010/10/the-mother-load/ How did this woman know what was going on in my house? - she wrote all about it! The afternoon brought a message sent from a gal who used to go to our church. She ran into Kyle a few weeks ago at work and told him what an awesome mom he has but didn't tell him who she was. She just suddenly felt the urge to share that with me today. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! God, You are amazing! I cannot begin to tell you how uplifted I feel. I realize it isn't about that "mountain top" feeling but the knowledge that God would send that many messages to me to encourage me is so good. It humbles me and makes me thankful that I stopped and the Holy Spirit showed me that the words were specifically sent to restore me. That's love. That's grace. Undeserved but still given.
Lord, there aren't words to speak that convey my gratitude this day. When I felt so down, You picked me up. You sent me sisters to encourage me. You sent me messages that I might have missed if I continued to let the enemy mess with my heart. Thank you for eyes that recognize the blessings found in the simple things in life. Thank you for the softening of this heart and for the protection You provide. I will rest in the shelter of Your wings!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Sorrow of Can't
Yesterday I found out that I have to have surgery. I have adenomyosis which affects my uterus. It's not cancerous...just inconvenient and can cause other complications. Hysterectomy is the only way to completely resolve the problem (ovaries appear ok so hopefully they will stay and no hormone therapy.) I share this because I am a woman. I was designed to bring life. My body was created to bring life. Granted, Ron and I have chosen to not have more children but my body still could...when the surgery takes place that changes to can't. I cannot ever bear another child and there is some loss in that. What a huge difference between "won't" and "can't". I'm experiencing sorrow over the idea. This morning I was on the verge of tears because the "life-bringer" part of my life will truly be over but God is so much bigger.
I heard a small voice deep in my heart whisper to me "Child, I understand this sorrow." I replied, "Um, Excuse me Lord, not be rude, but You aren't a woman. How can You understand my inability to ever bring life?" That's when it hit me, who better to understand this pain and sorrow? God promises that He will bring us life...if we ask for it. If we do not, He cannot. He understands the sorrow of can't when it comes to giving life. He can put circumstances in our life so that we turn to Him but He can't make us love Him. He made a covenant to let us go our way and discover Him. For the first time in my life, I have a glimpse of the heartache God feels when one of His precious and loved children will not choose Him, choose life. I have 4 beautiful children who I adore and who love me. God has millions of beautiful children who He adores and who love Him - but He grieves for millions more who He cannot breathe life into because they will not choose Him. My heart breaks, not for my own situation - this grief will resolve itself - but for all who died never knowing the life that they could have had. My heart breaks for those who are walking on this earth right now who are hurting and will not choose life with my Savior.
Lord, You overwhelm me. When I would be selfish and sit in my despair, You bring light to me. You open my eyes and my heart. You show me more of Your vulnerability and teach me so much more about Your love. You are my life. You are my love. You are my wisdom. Lord, give me bold words and a bold attitude to share You with those who are seeking. Keep me open and vulnerable so that others may find You when they watch me. I know the world is watching. I know the enemy is waiting in the wings to run in to those who observe and say to them..." See, she fell. She's faulty. If God is perfect, then why isn't she? If God loves her, then why do bad things happen in her life." Give me the power to overcome his whispers, get up and walk on in Your light. It doesn't matter much to me if I fall down - that's being human. It matters that I get up and thank you. It matters that I direct all attention to You for reaching down and picking me up. You watch over me. Amen.
I heard a small voice deep in my heart whisper to me "Child, I understand this sorrow." I replied, "Um, Excuse me Lord, not be rude, but You aren't a woman. How can You understand my inability to ever bring life?" That's when it hit me, who better to understand this pain and sorrow? God promises that He will bring us life...if we ask for it. If we do not, He cannot. He understands the sorrow of can't when it comes to giving life. He can put circumstances in our life so that we turn to Him but He can't make us love Him. He made a covenant to let us go our way and discover Him. For the first time in my life, I have a glimpse of the heartache God feels when one of His precious and loved children will not choose Him, choose life. I have 4 beautiful children who I adore and who love me. God has millions of beautiful children who He adores and who love Him - but He grieves for millions more who He cannot breathe life into because they will not choose Him. My heart breaks, not for my own situation - this grief will resolve itself - but for all who died never knowing the life that they could have had. My heart breaks for those who are walking on this earth right now who are hurting and will not choose life with my Savior.
Lord, You overwhelm me. When I would be selfish and sit in my despair, You bring light to me. You open my eyes and my heart. You show me more of Your vulnerability and teach me so much more about Your love. You are my life. You are my love. You are my wisdom. Lord, give me bold words and a bold attitude to share You with those who are seeking. Keep me open and vulnerable so that others may find You when they watch me. I know the world is watching. I know the enemy is waiting in the wings to run in to those who observe and say to them..." See, she fell. She's faulty. If God is perfect, then why isn't she? If God loves her, then why do bad things happen in her life." Give me the power to overcome his whispers, get up and walk on in Your light. It doesn't matter much to me if I fall down - that's being human. It matters that I get up and thank you. It matters that I direct all attention to You for reaching down and picking me up. You watch over me. Amen.
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